‘Toxic preconditions’ – Oliver Burkeman (The Inperfectionist)
Another great article from Burkeman. This time on how we let fear hold us back.
It can be so powerfully liberating – and action-triggering – to understand that the uncertainty and insecurity you imagine you’re avoiding is in fact how things already are for you. As the great Elizabeth Gilbert puts it: “You are afraid of surrender because you don’t want to lose control. But you never had control; all you had was anxiety.” Getting past toxic preconditions is less a matter of being willing to step into the unknown than of realising that you’re already in the unknown. And that since the rest of your life will doubtless contain a mix of pains and pleasures anyway – in proportions you’re completely unable to predict – you’ve got less to lose by just doing the things you’ve been contemplating doing, or showing up for life in the manner that feels most sane, relaxed, and energising to you.
[…] I’ve also found it useful to employ my own form of tiny experiment, which works like this: if there’s some activity or way of being you feel reluctant to try, put a prominent marker in your calendar two weeks from now, or set a phone reminder, and tell yourself you’ll be free to revert to your old ways once that date rolls around. This serves as a psychological safety net – so now you can jump. And you no longer need so much confidence that you’re choosing the right path, because after all, even if it’s true that you’re a terrible procrastinator, or deluded about your creative talents, or a bad parent, or whatever else it is that you tend to berate yourself about, well… what difference is two more weeks of missteps really going to make?