Any reader of history will tell you that plagues seem to be decade long affairs and influenza-like diseases seem to be two year ones. I really hope COVID-19 is the later.
I’ve booked my first concert since #COVID19 began. It’s 11 months away, outdoors and with a crowd of less than 1000 people. And if it’s still cancelled or too risky to attend due to COVID-19 I might as well end it all right now and jump off a bridge. 1666 in perpetuity is misery.
.@SamHarrisOrg said “We will embarrass our descendants, just as our ancestors embarrass us. This is moral progress.”
If I had to guess, I will embarrass mine in two main ways:
the plastic and CO2 I will leave behind high meat consumption Please forgive me, future Clowes'.
App advertising hits a new low. I opened @MyFitnessPal to log some garlic bread and whilst I’m scanning the barcode an audio ad for fucking Bitcoin started playing in the background! https://t.co/NDYGwoK8n0
‘Alexa Neck’ noun - Pathology.
a temporary but often painful defect of the neck due to a person quickly glancing to their Amazon Alexa device to make sure it hasn’t been activated after a person has said the word ‘Alexa’ in casual conversation.
Screw porridge. I refuse to be alive in the wondrous 21st century and eat for breakfast a food intended for horses that’s been mixed with watered down milk. It’s a paste-like, lumpy-mashed-potato-looking beige disgrace. Give me colour, texture and flavour or give me death.
Every TV screen I’ve ever owned has occasionally let out what I call a ‘sigh’. It’s the noise of the plastic frame moving slightly due to a lifetime of strain, I’m guessing. It’s a very distinctive, almost clicky, sound. Anyone else’s do the same?
If something is listed as “WiFi enabled” then you know for sure that it’s a silly product.
Computers or phones are never “WiFi enabled”. It’s always pointless smart fridges, coffee makers and air purifiers. Things that have no business being connected to the internet.
I was 7 years old and at my nursery school buffet. In a bowl were some ‘chips’. Turns out they were actually parsnips. I tried them, I hated them, I cried and it crushed my entire world.
Fast forward 20 years and parsnips are literally my entire reason for living. I adore them.
Books really are good value for money. This 600 pager I just bought cost little more than a shitty sandwich I ate this morning. https://t.co/cKO7BdqFgF
I really like using the {{diagram}} function in @RoamResearch to keep track of the flow of how I read/buy one book to the next via the bibliography or cited sources.
Far too many books on my shelves where I have no memory of why I bought or read them in the first place #roamcult https://t.co/2qZPMqZCXK
It makes me immensely happy that one day there’s going to be a 1000 page tome written about memes. But if historians today struggle to understand simple double entendres and puns from the Victorian era how will they grapple with today’s memes, which already feel nine layers deep?
Talking of @Dropbox. I love the header image they use on their ‘companies who use Dropbox’ page.
I mean what sort of Star Trek world do they think we’re living in?! And why does the office worker have a clipboard? Surely he should have an iPad with Dropbox on it or something? https://t.co/KDRIIaP4li
On a snowy 20 January 1494 Michelangelo was busy carving a Hercules statue when the ruler of Florence Piero de Medici called on him to come to his house and make a snowman in his garden instead.
What a sight that must of been. The great man on his hands & knees making a snowman!
A small cigar and a big book. Two of life’s great pleasures.
(Tip: sick of people chatting to you less than two metres away? Start smoking cigars. That seems to get them out your face.) https://t.co/lMv68KbaQx
I struggle with what do with screenshots on my iPhone. I take a lot screenshots and many I want to keep forever. But they clog up my camera roll and uglify exploring it too. Apple gives you a way to browse only screenshots they also need to let you see everything but screenshots.
But seriously though, screw those tiny wire things that they serve chips in. When I order chips I expect the total weight of the portion to be greater than the weight of my left testicle. That is rarely the case. https://t.co/5jA2TCoIhi
Want to lose weight? Follow the Restaurant Portion Diet: you can eat whatever you want, but you can only eat food in portion sizes that your average upper-scale restaurant would give you.
Woman to her pregnant friend: “You’re literally glowing right now.”
Man to his nuclear plant working friend: “You’re literally glowing right now.”
God to Gabriel: “You’re literally glowing right now.”
Essex woman to her sunbed using friend: “You’re literally glowing right now”
If you’re a female celebrity who has had a child there’s a 100% chance that an article will eventually be written with the title “How motherhood has changed X”.